It's been a long time again. I've had 2 kids since my last post and do you know what I've realized? My mind blocks with every pregnancy. My empathy, my dreams, my spiritual openness is gone. It comes back eventually after a couple of years but until it does, I feel like an empty shell.
Lately though...
I've been feeling things. I've been picking up on my kids' headaches, pain from boob-boo's, etc. I've been restless the last few weeks and have had no appetite. Today, I've been filled with a building sense of some sort of power - like I'm going to explode with some form of energy. Nothings happened yet, obviously, but I feel so vulnerable. I don't know what to do to make myself feel better.
I don't know how to explain it but the most interesting part? I've finally had a chance and the desire to sit and read my Bible again recently...that desire is rarely there just after having kids...until the "abilities" come back and now, since I've been trying to come closer to God again, my openness is starting to come back.
I feel like God allows this so that I can put the stress of these things on the back-burner until I'm passed the sleepless nights of nursing and baby colic. Now that said things have passed, it's like God's giving it back again.
So, this may be the first of many new posts to come.
I've been answering emails so feel free to shoot me a message if you need to talk.
-Vision
vision_seer@yahoo.com
p.s.
I'm aware this was not much of a post but more of a vent...I don't know what to do right now. I'm in a pretty dark place.
Dear Vision, I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know I have been there! With every pregnancy and birth of my 3 children I experienced lots of depression afterward for at least a year or more. I also nursed all 3 of my children and I think as we women we also battle our hormones. I struggled greatly with infertility with my last 2 children and lost a few pregnancies so again another battle with feeling blessed to have the 3 I have (all 7 years apart). I do feel so very blessed because my last child, now 18 months old, came without any fertility treatment and that I prayed about night and day for years. I know he and the other two as well were an answered prayers from God, little did I know he would be the most colicky child I ever had and actually lost his voice at 3 weeks old from crying so much! However I was blessed that the 2 that cried all the time slept very well for me and were excellent at breast feeding. Only my 2nd child nursed 24 hours a day but she never cried much! I guess what helped me through it the most, was just trying to do the gratitude list mentally everyday and too think of those in much worse situations that never get to experience being a mom. Also just knowing that every child is a gift from God to help us grow spiritually and he trusted us with this great responsibility(of being there mothers) to raise our children to be what he intended them to be not what we want them to be! I eventually came out of my darkness and this is something that had always been a life long struggle for me even prior to having my babies! Just know God is good and he loves you and just keep praying, if you are blessed to have at least one good friend to confide in or a very supportive husband reach out to them!! Hang in there sending love and prayers for you- with God on your side you can do anything! :)
ReplyDeleteI would like to hear more from you and how you are doing with your abilities.
ReplyDeleteI would like to hear more from you and how you are doing with your abilities.
ReplyDeleteI would like to hear more from you and how you are doing with your abilities.
ReplyDeleteI can relate so well to all that I have read on your blog thus far! Although I am much older I am finally starting to feel as though I ought to somehow deal with being an empath rather than feeling exhausted trying to bury it. I live almost a hermits life focused around my home, my husband, and our toddler which is peaceful most of the time unless either my husband is dealing with something negative from work or the outside news creeps in. I'm trying to find ways to turn down the volume on those things. God bless and keep you and bless your family always!
ReplyDeleteI pray you are better. I have had and continue spiritual troubles every day. Satan is totally at war within me. I think this is not in spite having read my bible dozens of times in recent years, but because. Satan knows when we are moving closer to God, and that is when he attacks the strongest. When we are moving away from God, he lets us alone.
ReplyDeleteI am NOT pentecostal. In fact, I have serious theological issues with Pentecostalism.
So I publish seekingrealtruth.net and Seeking Real Truth on Facebook (the latter has been my blog of late - nothing new on the site, but go and visit. A lot of valuable writing there.) Please, follow my ministry. Send me messages. Let's work though all this together. I think Christ can help each of us through the other.
BTW - Totally love your background. Very real and warm effect!
ReplyDelete