Monday, April 19, 2010

Think I Figured it Out

so, I was an emotional wreck last time I posted. My bad.

It was interesting to discover, though, that the night I had the volcano dream was the night that the Icelandic volcano erupted. Looking at pictures of the volcano, I saw an almost identical image of what I saw in the dream. I didn't know how to react...I told my brother, who knows about most of the things I go through, and I told my hub who didnt have anything to say. But, whatever. At least, I know the emotions of suffering and pain and loss that I felt the following morning was connected with something. I wonder though, what's the point in that? In seeing something when I can't help anyone through it? I think I may just be getting picked on. I'm praying about it so I'm sure I'll figure it out with time.

Just thought I'd share. Take care all :)


Thursday, April 15, 2010

God, sometimes I just want to scream the truth about me to everyone who doesn't have the slightest clue!

I brought it on myself, I know, by opening the spiritual door for all these demons when I was in middle school. But it can be torture sometimes just knowing that the vast majority of the world doesn't know the truth that there are people out there that can do frightening things. It hurts now because I know the truth and because I have to resist the pull to open my mind to the spiritual world again. When you don't know and your mind is an open doorway for them, they numb you and blind you from them. They make you think it's okay to be psychic and to know things you shouldn't but when you turn your back on them and try to be a better person, they torture you. In every possible way, you feel them pulling at your mind, your body, everything. I used to wonder why they wont leave me alone. Why they couldnt see that I wasnt going back to that life but something tells me that there is more.

I was good at what I did. I touched on every psychic ability, you name it. Granted, I wasnt good at all of it, but once you get one thing down, they can use you. It's a spiritual battle between good and evil right here on the our plane that normal people cant see. You dont think I look like a normal girl when I'm out? You cant tell who is what unless you're involved or going to be involved. Unless, one of us pulls you in. I've done that to a number of people and I regret it but they're still blind and numb and think what theyre doing is fine. It's not fine! They're using you and you wont see it until you're dead or your life it screwed.

That was a lot of jabber. I'm sorry people. It feels like I got a loose screw at the moment. I sound like a mental patient, don't I. I wonder who actually reads this junk lol most of you dont understand this but the other empaths out there, wow, sorry guys. I hope it wasnt too much to take in. A lot of insane emotions right now.

Saturday night, I had a dream.
It was a volcano dream. Black skies, ash, lava, screaming, crying, running, and something about russians.
Something about me is that when I have a volcano dream or a tornado dream, something bad always happens. More so with the tornado dreams, but sometimes with the volcano ones. If not something bad, then I have an emotional breakdown. Something that hasn't happend yet.

A few months ago, I had my last tornado dream. I woke up and warned my husband about the day. He was always a skeptic but two hours later, he called me and told me my grandpa died. Just a note.

Saturday night was the volcano dream and 15 minutes after I woke up Sunday morning, I was still shaking. I told my family, who was visiting for the time, what I saw and I was terrified that day. In church, I choked back tears all through the service as if I were at a funeral already suffering. That happened once before and a few days later, well, someone died. I told my mom during the service that I had a bad feeling and she told me to txt my husband since he was at home with the kids. He was fine. Nothing happened yet. Not even the breakdown. I'm still waiting and I'm still scared.

Everything else has cooled down lately; all the psychic type stuff, I mean. I havn't seen or sensed demons or other spirits; I stopped seeing faces and I haven't had any visions. It's been quiet in my mind, though I can still feel my 3rd eye. The only thing that is still going, is the empathy sometimes. I feel when someone is watching me, if someone is having a perverted thought, if someone is sad, etc.
I went into David's Bridal with my brother, looking for some shoes for someone, and when I walked in, I thought, "someone is watching us and laughing." When we got to the register, the woman said, "Gosh, you were fast. You knew what you wanted, didn't you? I saw the look on your face when you walked in and made your way to the back." That was funny at least.

Other than that, nothing. It's nice; peaceful, after all the things I would have to deal with but I feel it coming back; since the volcano dream. I feel something trying to rip out of me. Like the movie Aliens. My stomach keeps turning sour, my heart speeds up. I don't know...I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm not looking for answers...just waiting. But waiting feels like it's killing me.