Sunday, May 30, 2010

Just Gotta Say...

whoever is looking in on me, please stop. This is so screwed up.

Edit: This post was about "looking in on me" using the occult. And, soon after I posted this, I found out someone was doing readings about me. Please, all of you who read cards and things like that, please do not read anything about me. I feel it and I start having nightmares. Thanks.


Monday, April 19, 2010

Think I Figured it Out

so, I was an emotional wreck last time I posted. My bad.

It was interesting to discover, though, that the night I had the volcano dream was the night that the Icelandic volcano erupted. Looking at pictures of the volcano, I saw an almost identical image of what I saw in the dream. I didn't know how to react...I told my brother, who knows about most of the things I go through, and I told my hub who didnt have anything to say. But, whatever. At least, I know the emotions of suffering and pain and loss that I felt the following morning was connected with something. I wonder though, what's the point in that? In seeing something when I can't help anyone through it? I think I may just be getting picked on. I'm praying about it so I'm sure I'll figure it out with time.

Just thought I'd share. Take care all :)


Thursday, April 15, 2010

God, sometimes I just want to scream the truth about me to everyone who doesn't have the slightest clue!

I brought it on myself, I know, by opening the spiritual door for all these demons when I was in middle school. But it can be torture sometimes just knowing that the vast majority of the world doesn't know the truth that there are people out there that can do frightening things. It hurts now because I know the truth and because I have to resist the pull to open my mind to the spiritual world again. When you don't know and your mind is an open doorway for them, they numb you and blind you from them. They make you think it's okay to be psychic and to know things you shouldn't but when you turn your back on them and try to be a better person, they torture you. In every possible way, you feel them pulling at your mind, your body, everything. I used to wonder why they wont leave me alone. Why they couldnt see that I wasnt going back to that life but something tells me that there is more.

I was good at what I did. I touched on every psychic ability, you name it. Granted, I wasnt good at all of it, but once you get one thing down, they can use you. It's a spiritual battle between good and evil right here on the our plane that normal people cant see. You dont think I look like a normal girl when I'm out? You cant tell who is what unless you're involved or going to be involved. Unless, one of us pulls you in. I've done that to a number of people and I regret it but they're still blind and numb and think what theyre doing is fine. It's not fine! They're using you and you wont see it until you're dead or your life it screwed.

That was a lot of jabber. I'm sorry people. It feels like I got a loose screw at the moment. I sound like a mental patient, don't I. I wonder who actually reads this junk lol most of you dont understand this but the other empaths out there, wow, sorry guys. I hope it wasnt too much to take in. A lot of insane emotions right now.

Saturday night, I had a dream.
It was a volcano dream. Black skies, ash, lava, screaming, crying, running, and something about russians.
Something about me is that when I have a volcano dream or a tornado dream, something bad always happens. More so with the tornado dreams, but sometimes with the volcano ones. If not something bad, then I have an emotional breakdown. Something that hasn't happend yet.

A few months ago, I had my last tornado dream. I woke up and warned my husband about the day. He was always a skeptic but two hours later, he called me and told me my grandpa died. Just a note.

Saturday night was the volcano dream and 15 minutes after I woke up Sunday morning, I was still shaking. I told my family, who was visiting for the time, what I saw and I was terrified that day. In church, I choked back tears all through the service as if I were at a funeral already suffering. That happened once before and a few days later, well, someone died. I told my mom during the service that I had a bad feeling and she told me to txt my husband since he was at home with the kids. He was fine. Nothing happened yet. Not even the breakdown. I'm still waiting and I'm still scared.

Everything else has cooled down lately; all the psychic type stuff, I mean. I havn't seen or sensed demons or other spirits; I stopped seeing faces and I haven't had any visions. It's been quiet in my mind, though I can still feel my 3rd eye. The only thing that is still going, is the empathy sometimes. I feel when someone is watching me, if someone is having a perverted thought, if someone is sad, etc.
I went into David's Bridal with my brother, looking for some shoes for someone, and when I walked in, I thought, "someone is watching us and laughing." When we got to the register, the woman said, "Gosh, you were fast. You knew what you wanted, didn't you? I saw the look on your face when you walked in and made your way to the back." That was funny at least.

Other than that, nothing. It's nice; peaceful, after all the things I would have to deal with but I feel it coming back; since the volcano dream. I feel something trying to rip out of me. Like the movie Aliens. My stomach keeps turning sour, my heart speeds up. I don't know...I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm not looking for answers...just waiting. But waiting feels like it's killing me.


Monday, February 15, 2010

Some Things to Share

Well, I haven't gotten around to writing anything lately but for good reason. A few interesting things have taken place over the last week. I don't know why it's happening or what brought it on but I dont exactly care for the time being; I'm focusing on it not interefering with my every day life.

I'll start with the lighter and less serious of experiences. About two days ago, I had a full blown Matrix-like deja vu thing happen. I was sitting at the kitchen bar, talking to my husband when I saw my cat jump from around the corner and pounce on a ball. I blinked and then I saw the same exact thing, 100%. I kind of shook and my eyes widened and my husband looked at me all confused so I told him. He just laughed at me lol (Reminder: he's not aware of these sorts of things in my life. He knows I was involved in witchcraft back in high school but he doesnt know the whole psychic side of it all.)

Anyway, the other thing that's been happening is being sucked into visions and memories so strongly that I forget where I am. It's happened a number of times over the week and it's not exactly pleasant. I was remembering something from when I was little and when I got sucked out of the memory, I took in a sharp breath and looked around like, what the heck?! My mind was so focused on it that I actually had to think harder than usual to remember that I lived in another state and had a family of my own. I didn't like it. I dont like the idea of being lost in my mind and not realizing it until I'm out. I mean, what if I get stuck? What will happen to my body?

That experience takes me to the next one. It was communicated to me by what I believe was the Holy Spirit that I am to stay far from hypnotism. (I was thinking about it once or twice this past week) Apparently, if I get hypnotized, I'm opening a door for possessive spirits to enter me. Creepy, huh?

This last thing I want to share ticks me more than scares me. Sometime last week, I saw, for the first time in years, a dark spirit with my physical eye. I was outside with my husband and I saw it behind him, a few yards away. It wasn't like the demons I'd seen growing up but this one was much taller and wider. It was moving within a shadow, though I don't know what it was doing there in the first place. If it werent for the sense that came with it, I'd have thought that it was just my eyes playing a trick on me. Well, no...that's not true...because I watched it as it moved around. So, it was a movement from the corner of my eye, but when I looked at it, it continued moving. There, easier way to put it.


like I said, I havent seen one with my physical eyes for years. Neither do I know WHY I saw it. But, I'll be praying about it for some answers.

Okay, I gotta go for a bit though there is more I'd like to write. I'll have to come back this later tonight if I can.


Friday, February 5, 2010

Do I Have Permission To Go Insane?

Alright, here is a wonderful opportunity to share the kind of garbage I have to deal with.

I'm just exhausted of all these attacks from the spirit world and I don't know how to stop it.

Last night's dream was intertwined with a tornado dream which is normally a warning for me that something is about to happen. Well, normally...the only difference is that in the dream, I didn't actually SEE the tornado but I was with a number of ppl (in Oklahoma, apparently) that were waiting for it; expecting it and readying ourselves for it. Also in the dream was the feeling of being bare and discovered. (yes, a scene where i was suddenly naked haha). And, a scene with a woman who knows that my past consisted of witchcraft.

So, my prediction?
Some of my past that I would rather not have shared with the whole church will get out, probably through this woman that knows the fact that I was involved with the occult. It's probably going to make me nervous that it will turn into something worse or it WILL turn into something worse. Idk.

Anyone ever have something similar happen or any insight? You're more than welcome to share.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Jack of All Trades

You know what's frustrating? The fact that people see me as some preachy, putter-downer on psychics. Like i'm a skeptic or something! Please! I know what psychic abilities are like. I've read cards and people and chakras and communicated with demons and spirits and worked with remote viewing, I see visions, predicted the future, seen the past, had out of body experiences, etc. You name it, I've done it.

What people don't realize is the strength it takes to be willing to put aside these amazing abilities for the sake of one's soul. Not only strength to let it go but strength to deal with all the spiritual attacks that happen one after another. I found that my abilities did not come from God but were deceiving tools to pull me down and I've seen enough of Hell to know that I will do anything to stay away from there. But the fact that I don't use these abilities doesn't mean that they're not there or that I'm not affected by them.

You see, (i'm sure I already made this point but let me say it again), when you turn your back on those spirits, they turn their's on you. They attack physically, mentally and emotionally and let me tell you, it takes it toll. Just yesterday, I felt them around me, going in and out of my head trying to make me use the abilities to make the pain stop. Everything in my gut was twisting and wrenching and my mind was just a mess. I have to deal with that all the time and I have no one to tell, no one to run to to make it stop. The only way to stop it is to do something like scrying or people reading. Now, knowing this, I can't very well fall into that trap and I take it until the present spirits get bored and move on.

Then, I have the constant nagging of people who know the extent of what I'm able to do in emails and txts asking me to look into this situation and read them and what not. "My boyfriend said this, what did he really mean? What's going to happen if I do this? Hey, can you read my chakras? I have a spirit in my house, is it a demon?"

Oh and of course those wonderful people who try to make it look "cool" and ask me to join Ghost Hunting groups and the like. Sure it's cool if you don't believe in God or that he condemns witchcraft. Sure it's cool if you don't know what Hell is going to be like. Sure it's cool if you're not constantly bombarded with night terrors and mental attacks every night and day. But I know all this and I know that God did give me a specific gift and that I need to not cross the line into confusing supernatural abilites from negative spirits with His gift from the Holy Spirit. Do you have any idea how hard that is?? Nearly impossible! And I often find myself crossing that line and running back before I get trapped again.

I really wish that people could see what I've seen and open their eyes to what the paranormal field of interest really leads to in the end. It's horrible but it's veiled by the idea that it's innocent and safe and fun and "COOL."

God, if you all really knew. If I could just reach one person then it could be the beginning of something amazing. People would use the right abilities for the right reasons and we could still help so many out there.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

It's a snowy, saturday morning and I should be enjoying it. I seem to have a problem though. Let me start from Thursday night.

I was at church and we were praying. The Holy Spirit came down on the church and many were speaking in tongues while a woman prophecied. Another girl my age had a vision for the church and I had a vision for a relative. It happened while I prayed for her(she's having some problems).

The vision was this:
There was a field with a tar pit in it. My relative stood in the tar pit and there was tar smeared over her eyes, keeping them closed; blinding her. Noticing someone over her shoulder, I looked and saw another person I know. I won't go into details there because I already shared this vision with that person.

I feel compelled to share this vision with my relative. Though I have the basic idea of what it means, I'm not sure how she'll take it. We were so close at a time and now we hardly speak. To make things worse, I had a dream last night that I shared the vision with her and she became angry and shouted and told me she didn't believe in God anymore. I fear for her, because that vision was a bad omen. I'm afraid of what will come to her if she doesn't change and return to previous state (before all the problems started).

Remember when I posted the fact that the demons try to stop me from doing certain things? This is one of those things. When I think about speaking to my relative about it, I get shaky and scared. Nervous and anxious. My hands tremble, my words twist and I can't speak clearly. I will share my vision with her though, out of fear for her well being and even her life.

God, speaking what I feel needs to be said is so hard sometimes...but seeing how I'm being affected by it confirms the fact that it needs to be said..whether she hates me in the end or not.

I'll try to write more on my testimony in a few moments.
I just needed to get this out.


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Empath Talk

Alright readers,

Again, I'm steering from the testimony for a bit. I want to elaborate on the empath thing. As you all know, I am an empath. It simply means that when an angry person is near me, I can feel it. If someone is depressed, I know without them having to tell me. I'm highly sensitive to other people's emotions. I know when someone doesnt like me. I know a person's personality and whether or not I should get to know them before I speak to them. It's nothing that "came with practice." It's just always been there.

Now, I am a member of an online empath community where I can meet and talk with other empaths and share experiences or even reach out to those who need help. As a christian, this is a great opporunity to talk to other christian empaths who dont realize where the line not to be crossed is drawn.

For christians, empathy is a very thin and highly dangerous line to be walked. VERY thin. As a highly sensitive person, an empath is prone to dark-spirited influence. They are the ones that make it possible for empaths to carry other abilities; psychic abilties. As christians, we all know that this is against our beliefs. God does not accept psychics, mediums, spiritists, etc. Empathy in itself, as far as I know, is not a psychic ability. It is a sensitivity to other living things but it, more often than not, turns into contacting spirits, remote viewing, etc. That is why, as christians it is such a hard thing to deal with. We dont know when its too much.

Okay, let me get this part off my chest. I am no preacher. I dont have all the right answers. Shoot, I even doubt myself on the whole empathy thing pretty often. I'm afraid of doing something evil and wrong but the thing is that i've dealt with demons and the like since I was a little girl. I was a witch for much of my life (which, yes, i realize, isnt all that long so far). I'm just passing through a trial that involved me obtaining a number of new, psychic abilities and God had mercy on me, answering my prayers and taking away what was not from him. But the empathy is still there. My dreams are still there and I feel much lighter and safer. I cannot turn off empathy. It's not in my control at all times. Until God takes it away, I have to believe that He answered my prayers in full and not in pieces and that what is left in me is from Him to be used for His glory and His alone.
When I turned my back on witchcraft, all of the "friendly" spirits that I was in contact with turned their backs on me and attacked my family. They nearly tore us apart but again, God had mercy and saved me from ruining my life; from ruining my chance to be with Him when my job is done on this earth.
I've been trying to ignore my empathic abilty but like I said, it can't simply be turned off.

I really hope this post helped someone out there. I may add more later but it's real late for me and I am EXHAUSTED! Good night, all! And God bless!


Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Hey everyone,
I'm going to steer from my testimony for a moment and share some thoughts. I know that there are so many people out there that want to be a part of the paranormal and supernatural. There are a lot of christians as well but what they don't know is that through a life in Christ, they can have a supernatural experience. When one is filled with the Holy Spirit, God grants a spiritual gift to that person. It can be a supernatural ability of knowledge, discernment, healing, speaking in tongues, faith or prophecy. Each one of these is a special ability; an ability from the Spirit, only, it's used for God's glory. If you live your life according to God's word and will, you will receive a spiritual gift to use.

I've recently come across the shows "Paranormal State" and "Psychic Kids." My opinion on them? They're all insane! First off, "Paranormal State;" These people are teenagers who go to haunted houses or to demon possessed people and try to find proof of the paranormal there. Who in the right mind would want to go to an exorcism or contact spirits in a house without being annointed for it? They are taking these spirits with them that will effect them, their family and their friends. It's extremely dangerous and here they are doing in on television, placing the seed of curiousity in the minds of even younger generations.
As if that's not bad enough, you have the show called "Psychic Kids" that's about older, experienced psychics "helping" kids who have psychic abilities. They have no idea what they're in for. They're putting these kids at risk of giving their lives to the spirits around them; to obsess and walk down the darker path of life. I know I'll be praying for those kids and people to get over their addictions to the spirit world and turn their lives to God.
One thing that many don't realize is that demons are extremely intelligent. They know how to work in a person's life to make things seem innocent and safe. They know what thoughts to whisper to a person to make them think they're doing the right thing by using a "Gift." But people dont realize the "gift" is from the demon(s).
Anyone dealing with "kind" spirits or "neutral" spirits, I'd like you to test this theory for yourself. Turn from the spirits and put them aside. Go to church and read the Bible and do something for God. I promise you that those spirits will turn on you. They won't be so kind and gentle and neutral anymore. The thing is that there are no "kind spirits" but only deceptive demons that clothe themselves in sheep-skin. They are there only to keep you on the wrong path; only to confuse you. There is the Holy Spirit and angels, then there are demons. There is no middle-ground in the spirit world. If you are not for God, you are against Him.
He who is not with me, is against me, and he who does not gather with me, scatters. Luke 11:23

Monday, January 4, 2010

Part III


After that experience, I stayed pretty far away from the occult. The demons with me wouldn't let me go that easily, though...of course. They got me pretty bad after I got married. If they couldn't take me down through my curiosity and supernatural abilities, they went after something even more important to me; my family. My relationship with my husband. After about 3 and a half years, we nearly divorced. In short, my mind and emotions were attacked, making me stop loving him and seeking attention elsewhere. I became addicted to an online game called Second Life. (now, I'm not saying that everything was my fault, but that's not the point here. I'm trying to prove something that many people do not know.)
All through our troubles, I had that familiar voice in the back of my mind telling me that divorce is not what God wants from us. He put us together, he blessed us enormously and never planned for us to separate. No couple brought together before God, is meant to divorce. No one. I didn't love my husband anymore. I didn't care what happened to him. I wanted to go out and do stupid things. But, that voice was a voice I knew so against everything my heart and mind told me, I continuously prayed, "God, you know my heart. You know how I'm feeling right now but I don't want to sin. I pray that you help me want the right thing, because I have no idea what it is." I prayed that while I was angry and hateful towards my husband and while I spent all my time on the game. It was one night that changed me; one dream. I dreamed that an angel stood before me and said to me, "you need to stop what you're doing...before it's too late." It wasn't just the fact of what was said but of what I felt when I woke up. I was filled with shame and guilt. It was the exact feeling of being scolded by your parents after doing something wrong. It was such a strong feeling that it couldn't be ignored.
My husband and I ended up having a very serious talk and we both changed our ways. Over time, the unthinkable happened. I fell in love with him again. With everything I had, I didn't believe it could happen, but God worked in my life and He made it happen. My husband and I are now doing well and we're very happy.

You would think that's the end, huh? Well, these demons will not let up. I don't know what it is that makes them work so hard at tearing me down but they will not let up! When things began working out in my family, my mind turned to the church and what I was called to do. Almost immediately after that thought, my visions began coming back only this time, I had one of a friend that passed years ago, making me wonder if there was anything christian about that. My mind was suddenly thrown into this frenzy, bringing all sorts of other gifts along with the ones I already knew about. Very slowly, my mind turned back to the occult. I was suddenly able to read people's chakras and scry and my visions went insane. I would have visions of people I've never met before, showing me that they were going to die soon, then I would see them the next day in person. I physically feel my 3rd eye, especially when in church, to the point where I have to rub my forehead to sooth the feeling of something boring into my head. I feel EVERYTHING from people who are thinking about me to spirits around me. I see random visions of people in the near future as well as the distant future.
The thing is though, that I don't try to bring these things on; they just happen. In all honesty, though I used to be one of those teens who dreamed of being something different and special, I'm more concerned for my soul. I've had a vague vision of Hell, and as vague as it was, it's enough to scare me into behaving and focusing my mind on what God wants for me.

I'll have to continue this later...sorry, readers!