Monday, January 4, 2010

Part III


After that experience, I stayed pretty far away from the occult. The demons with me wouldn't let me go that easily, though...of course. They got me pretty bad after I got married. If they couldn't take me down through my curiosity and supernatural abilities, they went after something even more important to me; my family. My relationship with my husband. After about 3 and a half years, we nearly divorced. In short, my mind and emotions were attacked, making me stop loving him and seeking attention elsewhere. I became addicted to an online game called Second Life. (now, I'm not saying that everything was my fault, but that's not the point here. I'm trying to prove something that many people do not know.)
All through our troubles, I had that familiar voice in the back of my mind telling me that divorce is not what God wants from us. He put us together, he blessed us enormously and never planned for us to separate. No couple brought together before God, is meant to divorce. No one. I didn't love my husband anymore. I didn't care what happened to him. I wanted to go out and do stupid things. But, that voice was a voice I knew so against everything my heart and mind told me, I continuously prayed, "God, you know my heart. You know how I'm feeling right now but I don't want to sin. I pray that you help me want the right thing, because I have no idea what it is." I prayed that while I was angry and hateful towards my husband and while I spent all my time on the game. It was one night that changed me; one dream. I dreamed that an angel stood before me and said to me, "you need to stop what you're doing...before it's too late." It wasn't just the fact of what was said but of what I felt when I woke up. I was filled with shame and guilt. It was the exact feeling of being scolded by your parents after doing something wrong. It was such a strong feeling that it couldn't be ignored.
My husband and I ended up having a very serious talk and we both changed our ways. Over time, the unthinkable happened. I fell in love with him again. With everything I had, I didn't believe it could happen, but God worked in my life and He made it happen. My husband and I are now doing well and we're very happy.

You would think that's the end, huh? Well, these demons will not let up. I don't know what it is that makes them work so hard at tearing me down but they will not let up! When things began working out in my family, my mind turned to the church and what I was called to do. Almost immediately after that thought, my visions began coming back only this time, I had one of a friend that passed years ago, making me wonder if there was anything christian about that. My mind was suddenly thrown into this frenzy, bringing all sorts of other gifts along with the ones I already knew about. Very slowly, my mind turned back to the occult. I was suddenly able to read people's chakras and scry and my visions went insane. I would have visions of people I've never met before, showing me that they were going to die soon, then I would see them the next day in person. I physically feel my 3rd eye, especially when in church, to the point where I have to rub my forehead to sooth the feeling of something boring into my head. I feel EVERYTHING from people who are thinking about me to spirits around me. I see random visions of people in the near future as well as the distant future.
The thing is though, that I don't try to bring these things on; they just happen. In all honesty, though I used to be one of those teens who dreamed of being something different and special, I'm more concerned for my soul. I've had a vague vision of Hell, and as vague as it was, it's enough to scare me into behaving and focusing my mind on what God wants for me.

I'll have to continue this later...sorry, readers!

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