Bad spirits. Once you're in, that's it. Only God himself can take them away.
I opened my mind to the dark plane when I was about thirteen. Through oracle cards, scrying, meditating on things I shouldn't have been. I invited them into my life eleven years ago and though they come and go, they never go for good.
I have times of peace. I can't deny that much. There are days, weeks, even months where there is silence in my mind on that side of things. Then, something happens. Something sets it off or the demons decide I've had enough peace. They get bored, maybe? I don't know. I know it says in the Bible that there are some demons that won't leave without fasting and prayer. I 'm 99% sure that I have some of those. I don't have full control over my thoughts. They wander off to weird, creepy things that I normally would not bother focusing on if I had complete control. I find myself shaking my head to get out of visions and such. These are the things that have been almost constant this last year. But, even though I know fasting and prayer can help me, I don't have the strength to fast, myself. I'm sick and my body is weakened. The last thing I think I could manage is not eating for any set time which would mean asking for others' prayer. I can't do that in person as most people don't know this side of my life.
There has been one difference this last month or two. My dreams. I don't remember the vast majority of them lately. It's just blank when I wake up. It's so strange to me to wake up without a dream to think back on. My visions have seemingly stopped, too. But I don't expect things to stay like this.
Today, I've had another attack. I can feel the energy pushing and pulling through my head. It's insane. I literally feel a pull of something...an aura or just life or something...pulling upward through the bone of my skull. My hearing is sensitive. I'm weak and tired when I shouldn't be. It's so uncomfortable knowing what it is. It's an attack on my soul to wear me out. To weaken me and pull me to the "comfort" of delving back into scrying and reading people. I don't want to read people and I don't want to vamp anymore.
I feel the desire to go to church, which I will tonight, but at the same time, I have that part of me saying I'm going to be looked at and talked about because I'm not like me when I have these problems going on. I'm so tired but I think I need to go to church. I'll be protected there while my mind is so open. That's what it feels like, at least. Like my mind is open to the dark again. I'm fighting against it, though. I won't give in.